It has been two years since the completion of the Psychotherapy of Sexual Disorders course.
It is a time of constant reflection on this topic, as I am a psychotherapist working with my own IPSK method. I am once closer to the topic of sexology and work with this area, although once the topic and knowledge (the course lasted 2.5 years, after all) leaves a trace and my own attempts to understand various issues related to psychotherapy of sexual disorders in general.
In my Terms and Conditions, I wrote that I do not work with perversion, which sometimes makes you think. On the other hand, the passage of time confirms to me that this is a good decision within the framework of the method I propose.
Perversion, in my understanding, is consent to the sexualization and objectification of the subject. We seduce, not in order to empower relationships, but to experience, perhaps strong, exciting, giving a basis for releasing our own various mental states. In my opinion, it is the lack of ability to withstand frustration and the basis for blurring boundaries, e.g. someone has to give up their own values in order to be seduced. This is where her or his defeat may begin, because he may lose his or her own identity in order to obtain sexual gratification or a substitute for sexual intimacy. Perversion does not take consent for granted, after all, it is about getting what you want, which is often based on eroticization, violence (getting closer when someone does not want it), then on seizing someone’s identity, because the boundaries of the seduced party are blurred. With the passage of time, more and more. The same applies to a person who seduces, and therefore perverses the contact. If you think about it, the sense of self disappears, arousal and strong emotions appear, someone has influence and an advantage. There are clear notes of risk in this. In such a situation, does the question: Do I really want this allow for a real answer? Land conquered, then it can become nobody’s, so another conqueror or conquered is needed. This conflicts with the principle of a relationship as a safe, trust-based relationship, where the so-called “Trust Agreement” appears between two people. The Holy Land, i.e. the land where we walk barefoot and appreciate the world to which we have been invited. In perversion, the Holy Land will be paved, obscured, and will also arouse excitement, especially when it gradually disappears. Thus, according to this understanding, perversion tends to death. In extreme cases, to literal death. Such a relationship resembles an oblique relationship, where someone disappears or dies in it. The Perpetrator or Conqueror also disappears internally, because he is unable to satiate himself with what he perverses. He can become a parasite, metaphorically a bloodsucker or even the ultimate executioner. I emphasize that there are no people completely devoid of perversion, because everyone needs some form of destruction, or consent to the act of devastation of their own identity or someone else’s, because it is also sexual. After all, penetration itself is a form of violence. On the other hand, consent to perverse behavior may not be conscious, even if adults respond to it. Seduced by perversion, they may not be able to resist the wave of emotions or trance states that can be caused by a person who perverts a relationship.
Hence, there is a risk in deepening such practices, where you do not see the person but the boundaries that you want to cross in him without taking responsibility for his own and others’ boundaries. Excitement may not allow it.
In deviations, on the other hand, perversion becomes a certain norm developed in a deviant way. Deviance no longer includes violence but cruelty, e.g. towards children or animals that cannot defend themselves. Such people do not care about well-being, health, safety. They want to pursue their hidden intentions. We can distinguish between a deviant mind, which everyone has in some aspect, after all, we can also be cruel in a sexual way, and deviance as such, which puts the perpetrator himself in a different state of consciousness in which arousal takes control. There is no responsibility there, and preferences pervert the natural need for harmony and fullness. For example, a child is not a perfect form, is not fully developed, cannot defend himself and is sensitive. The Holy Land, mentioned earlier, is a living dimension of perverse desire. Destruction is inscribed in it.
Can perversion be treated, to some extent for sure. Deviation, probably only through pharmacotherapy and strict control by hospital authorities and police. Unfortunately, in order to protect the Holy Land, a deviant must in some way be deprived of the opportunity to meet his needs. This may be controversial based on Human Rights. Then moral dilemmas arise: who to protect and what the law and justice allow. Also the internal one.
There are different degrees of perversion and deviation. Each of them is inscribed with a form of destruction and humiliation. Violence is not aggression, it serves something else. Sexual violence must have clear and strong boundaries over itself, which the perverted person may not have. The need for severe punishment is unconsciously inscribed in perpetrators of this type, because it may remind us that this Holy Land once existed in them as well. Can learning empathy give anything? Probably he can, but after all, the perpetrator knows very well what he is doing. His lack of responsibility or knowledge about himself is another trap that is seduced and perverted by those around him. Everyone has an internal compass to a greater or lesser extent, then it is a choice and awareness of the consequences. Can such a person be good, responsible? Probably yes. Certain practices, such as light forms of BDSM, are the optimal form of relationships for many. The trouble is that without strict boundaries, perversion is gaining new ground. It’s her nature. In order to consciously respond in a situation of arousal that perversion activates that this is what one wants, one needs steel internal boundaries and one’s own consent to perversion. But then what is the history of a given person behind this consent?
Paulina Kubś, MA
