About ACA Syndrome Generally, Considering the Systemic Perspective in Online Psychotherapy

ACA syndrome is considered an umbrella term, implying the possibility of a multitude of reactions to long-term trauma associated with alcoholism of a parent or family member, or the person’s knowledge of such dysfunction (or the awareness itself affecting the psyche of the individual).

The trauma response in this term refers to established patterns of behavior in adulthood, entrenched since childhood, thus tried and paradoxically effective, as they enable survival and adaptation to the situation of alcoholism and other behavior patterns typical for this type of disease in a parent or close one.

These reactions can turn into habits, i.e., healthy or pathological beliefs, personality disorders (entrenched habits and coping mechanisms in trauma exposure, treated as defensive mechanisms associated with the given personality disorder) or mood disorders (arising due to the lack of reparation, thus the mind, and consequently hormones and emotions, must endure the trauma without the possibility of escaping the threatening situation – this can also be a cause for PTSD). Severe mental disorders, extreme reactions like self-destruction or destruction (addictions, pathological release of tensions, vandalism) may also occur. Everything depends on the level of pathology and deficits associated with the occurrence of this type of trauma like alcoholism in the family.

The dysfunction of a parent addicted to alcohol is treated as exposing other family members to long-term, persistent trauma leading to crises of this family system, as well as the social system, or personal and health crises in other family members.

Thus, we tentatively treat ACA Syndrome here as possible reactions to this type of trauma (again, trauma associated with family alcoholism). Remember, the so-called ACA personality has not been confirmed. Personally, I think it’s just a diagnosis of the type of trauma experienced, and then we have the development of personality post-trauma (i.e., a set of coping strategies in situations of long-term threat — more about this can be found in the description of my ISCP method). Now, however, I invite you to delve further into trying to capture this trauma issue, mainly using the systemic perspective in Online Psychotherapy.

Many people have heard of this syndrome, mainly due to its frequency. One might sadly joke that it’s our national affliction. It’s not entirely the case, but these are not isolated incidents. However, a certain kind of family taboo in Poland, that certain things should not be spoken about loudly, especially if it concerns the family (“what kind of bird fouls its own nest”), makes people affected by this syndrome feel isolated, even though the problem of alcoholism is quite common in Poland.

I would say that we can talk about the ACA syndrome up to a certain generation. Then we should rather tentatively assume that new diagnoses appear, such as ACA Parents and Relatives generating new traumas (gambling, drugs, prostitution, pornography).

For people with ACA, typical experiences include isolation, shame for the pathological parent, and a lack of role models. This means that such a person feels that they come from a so-called abnormal family, i.e., they lack social respect, which during socialization is most important for a child or teenager, especially for a young adult. In such a family, many damages occur: loss of role models, loss of love, trust, trauma in the field of intimacy, also an opportunity for lessons in enduring contempt and anger. Despair arises in the child, which no one recognizes.

What does this force? Very rapid achievement of some form of maturity and remaining in a dilemma of how quickly I must grow up and leave home, or whether I can leave home at all.

Therefore, we can also talk about ACA Syndrome from a House Full of Pretenses. The level of dysfunction depends on the depth of the alcoholism. Besides, there are various faces of alcoholism, different forms of violence, including sexual. The reaction to a mother’s alcoholism, other generations is different than to a father’s or uncle’s alcoholism.

The truth is, it would be better if there were no addictions in the family at all. Children need lessons of strength – for them, a parent’s weakness is only a lesson in contempt for weakness, which has far-reaching consequences. Such a child, even if they quickly learn a trade, become independent, will experience that in something they are abnormal, weaker, contemptible, deficient. The form of weakness and fear of it may accompany them for life. If this is coupled with the family’s financial instability, fear of losing a parent, the child cannot develop a strong Persona (This is not a “false self”! It’s a separated part of personality that appears in a threatening situation. The harder it gets, the more extreme it becomes. Often built on the example of violent patterns, also from television, films, or books, or stories. Don’t confuse it with the Ego. It’s a form of ego defense and other psychic structures, arising on the basis of experienced trauma). The child rather creates masks, which they also feel ashamed of, because they are not entirely consistent with the truth, and no one internally agrees to a lack of authenticity, as it is also weakness (here is the “false self”). The impact of this type does not have to concern the parent only, but it can also be close ones, or knowledge about these close ones.

As I mentioned, a lot depends on the degree of addiction and pathology of the family system itself. Indeed, it can lead to persistent personality disorders, destructive and self-destructive behaviors, and even schizophrenia and anorexia. This comes from the fact that people under the influence of alcohol have no control over sexual impulses. Besides, alcoholism sometimes hides paraphilias. So, these can also be incestuous families, where there is no talk of roles and subjectivity, and they operate within functions. Then the narrative is: “You have to pay off to the family to be in it”.

How often on Online Psychotherapy does such a person fear being disloyal to the family, fearing that they may lose it or be punished?

If the family is relatively healthy, children naturally assume certain roles and functions, try to be more understanding, provide support, protect others, and quickly think about taking up work. These are often also children who try to have relatively good grades. Depending on the degree of deficits, they choose a professional career or family life, keeping an eye on and controlling their loved ones for potential risky behaviors. They may have trouble combining these roles and functions.

There are also cases when a child identifies with the alcoholically ill parent, often aggressive, because they feel weak in something or do not cope at school or with peers due to the situation at home. They may also want to divert attention due to loyalty to the sick parent and then choose their self-destruction to strengthen the family’s pathology. After all, someone must also be bad (delegation to roles in the family is very common and known in the case of this syndrome). The child copes in this way with a sense of guilt for their weaknesses. Therefore, a weak parent is also a role model or point of reference.

Remember, children always rely on patterns. If parents do not teach children how to cope in difficult situations, their only strategies in life are the actions of parents who accept pathologies, thereby strengthening the pathology of subsequent generations.

Trauma must survive, support is not appropriate, because the parents themselves did not have it. This is also so-called trauma contagion, not entirely known why it is repeated. Thus, by accepting such deficiencies, subsequent generations are maintained in helplessness and acceptance of pathology and trauma. This leads to tragedy at the level of the individual and the entire family, already at the level of communication and approach to weakness in general, hence it is worth having a very strict approach to this topic.

Therefore, weaknesses in the form of addiction must not be accepted, but understood and forced adequate possible change of the entire system it concerns.

Weakness, however, understood as limitation and temporary ailment, is something other than justification for dysfunction.

In search of ways to break this cycle of trauma reproduction, one can resort to the solution of learning to set boundaries. Therefore, people after such traumas, identifying with the ACA syndrome, seek themselves in various structures and are very sensitive to boundaries (they do not always react well to them at once, and then it is worth thinking about online psychotherapy).

It is necessary to reinforce good choices when the patient is a person after chronic trauma. This is always a victim of the system. A good choice, which is constant, strengthens character – almost everyone who has been through trauma and crisis knows this.

What if personality traits are not consistent with this, and additionally there is temperament and lack of ability to control emotions? How much can this conflict with ambition and limit good choices even in simple matters, such as: what am I really good at? What are my strengths? What can I develop in myself, what will be safe for me?

This is where strong generalized beliefs appear, which also hinder realization through good choices and character, as there is too great a difference between self-knowledge, knowledge of the world, and a good, characterful decision.

When character is weak, such burdens can cause feelings of guilt, a sense of guilt, anxiety disorders and depression, and an inability to react in a healthy way. And so currently, we can see many young people already addicted to marijuana and computers (cigarettes are a bit passe).

Remember: severe personality disorders, antisocial behaviors, criminal, deviant behaviors only indicate a few factors (important, as they may result from family trauma such as consent to pathologies) and these factors are:

• gene pathology (otherwise pathologies at the gene level),
• family pathology (pathologies at the family level or within the family system),
• environmental pathology (pathologies at the level of the environment, social group, surroundings, structures, law).

Addictions to marijuana and computers (including pornography) impact empathy and compassion, leading to attitudes based on sadism and the need to seek victims, creating a generational cycle evident in social trends. Trauma and pathology are always close!

I emphasize the importance of fighting addictions because they lead to a shallowness of affect, empathy, and social responsibility. This is particularly true for addictions based on drugs, gambling, pornography, and computer games. Addiction strengthens criminal and deviant groups, even antisocial ones.

From a systemic perspective (family dynamics, feedback loops in a family system with pathology/deficit/addiction), families with parental addiction can lead to several dangerous phenomena, including:

• Parentification, where a child assumes the role of a parent.
• Triangulation in parental issues, meaning the child cannot leave as the parents cannot cope.
• Excessive demands on the child.
• This involves inviting children to perform apparent roles, created based on forced, manipulative behavior of a parent or misunderstanding of emotions, to keep the child close and loyal. The child feels important, which is true in a way.

Communication in such families shows entanglement and double binds (intention, attitude, and feelings are different from what is heard and happens in reality). There is also a narrative of suffering and sacrifice. For instance, the narrative might be: “You must love your parent because they brought you into this world and you owe them.” An example is making it understood that the parent suffers because they have to live and gave life to someone else. This entanglement leads to the child quickly becoming indebted to their parents for their life and feeling obligated to do something about it because it is tough for the parents. In extreme cases, one cannot leave the parent at all, leading to someone eventually falling ill.

Consider that triangulations, parentifications, and entanglements can be intentional. Children happen because they must or should. In a so-called normal family, children are a natural part of their heterosexual relationship plan. This is a form of responsibility for monogamous sexual activity.

The structure of pathological families (based on extreme cases of alcoholic families for easier illustration) is based on dominance and demanding submission. It creates a role for the so-called victim, along with manipulation and self-interest. As a child, you have no defense.

Such a climate and these stories likely repeat due to trauma and pathology across generations. It might be tied to an unconscious belief that the family will not survive without this, and repeating the trauma ensures stability and perpetuation of the same coping habits in successive generations. Psychogenealogy, an online psychotherapy method from France, beautifully shows that events tend to repeat within the same family, which can be inferred from the family name itself, containing the recurring event.

There might be something dormant in alcoholism at a societal level that allows for survival. However, those with ACA syndrome might not see this as a sufficient justification for their experiences.

Returning to entanglement, there’s also an incestuous thread which, in some way, might have unified families. The narrative is like: “I don’t love, I seduce.” This aspect is always present to some degree, as children see themselves in their parents’ and relatives’ eyes as young teenagers – their first social mirrors. It doesn’t have to be pathological. However, in disturbed families, beyond seduction, there might be nothing more. Bonds are not necessarily stronger, safer, or clearer.

Finding new, good reference points is crucial. This means that children, when they grow up, should be equipped to live independently as adults. Literally, to fly out of the nest. How else to do this than by referring a bit to the myth of Daedalus and Icarus? Using this story, we still remain in hypotheses, common sense, and imagination.

So let’s try…

It’s good to have knowledge of flying, trust in the parent, and respect for them, believing that their knowledge and flying technique will ensure the child’s safety and the opportunity to discover something new, a new quality.

What might go wrong at the stage of leaving the nest when the adolescent has the resources of the family they grew up in? Perhaps there was a lack of knowledge about adequate threats and social demands, communication to pass on experience, directing adequate expectations of knowledge about what respect and humility are, and healthy boundaries. Maybe the wings for flight were not prepared, or there was a lack of theoretical knowledge about flying, values, because good flight also has a direction and requires a self-preservation instinct to develop appropriately.

Hence, my conclusion is that Icarus’s fall is Daedalus’s failure as a father.

People with ACA syndrome often seek online psychotherapy because they lack knowledge about themselves or life, and they rarely know if it’s a natural self-preservation instinct and suffer due to family relationships. They also find it difficult to talk about love when they have only experienced various types of violence from loved ones.

Young adults venturing into the world also rely on instinct and intuition, and if they are deprived of knowledge, even their instinct will ultimately fail them. Families with pathology also destroy access to a healthy self-preservation instinct.

Does this only concern people with this syndrome? Not necessarily. This issue is close to many who have been victims of trauma for years and couldn’t do anything, and then in adulthood, they seek other solutions.

Sincerely,

mgr Paulina Kubś
Cabinet of Interventional Systemic-Cultural Psychotherapy.

For example, a song

It depends on surface area

Whether you do, whether you don’t

Climb a mountain, run a thousand miles

Grab on and hold, grab on and hold

It’s a myth to behold, it’s a fire in the cold

Grab on and hold, grab on and hold

It’s a snake in the grass, it’s a stop sign to pass

Grab on and hold, grab on and hold

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh, yeah

This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn

This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn

This ain’t no warning to run from sin

This ain’t no dagger for sticking in

So let me be, so let me be

So let me be, so let me be

I’ll follow someone that I can see

I’ll worship someone that I can be

’Cause it depends on you and you alone

Whether you do, whether you don’t

Don’t believe in more than flesh and bone

Grab on and hold, grab on and hold

Ooh

Yeah, yeah

Ooh

Yeah, yeah

This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn

This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn

This ain’t no warning to run from sin

This ain’t no dagger for sticking in

So let me be, so let me be

So let me be, so let me be

I’ll follow someone that I can see

I’ll worship someone that I can be