We consider DDA syndrome to be the so-called DDA syndrome. a conceptual bag (an umbrella term), assuming the possibility of a multitude of reactions to a long-term trauma related to alcoholism of one of the parents or family members, or a person’s knowledge of such dysfunction (or awareness itself affects the psyche of the individual).
The trauma response syndrome in this name refers to well-established patterns of behavior in adulthood, fixed since childhood, and therefore proven and paradoxically effective, because they enable survival and adaptation to the situation related to the occurrence of alcohol disease and other sets of behaviors typical of this type of disease, one of the parents or someone close to them.
The above reactions can turn into habits, i.e. healthy or pathological beliefs, personality disorders (fixed habits and ways of coping in a situation of exposure to trauma, treated as defense mechanisms related to a given personality disorder) or mood disorders (they appear due to the lack of reparation, so that the mind, and therefore hormones and emotions, have to endure trauma without the possibility of getting out of the danger situation – this can also be the cause of the PTSD). Severe mental disorders, extreme reactions such as self-destruction or destruction (addictions, pathological stress relief, vandalism) may also occur. It all depends on the level of pathology and deficits associated with the occurrence of such trauma as alcoholism in the family.
We treat parental dysfunction consisting in alcohol addiction as exposing other members of the system to long-term permanent trauma leading to crises of this family system, as well as the social system, or personality and health crises in other family members.
Therefore, we treat DDA Syndrome as possible reactions to this type of trauma (once again, trauma related to alcoholism in the family). Remember that the occurrence of the so-called DDA personality. Personally, I think that this is simply a diagnosis of the type of trauma experienced, and then we have the development of the personality after the trauma (i.e. a team of coping strategies in situations of long-term threat — you can find more about this in the description of my IPSK method). Now, however, I invite you to delve further into the attempt to capture this issue of trauma, mainly using a systemic perspective in Online Psychotherapy.
Many people have heard of this syndrome, mainly because of its prevalence. One could say jokingly that this is our national affliction. This is not entirely the case, but these are not isolated cases. On the other hand, a kind of family taboo, which is strong in Poland, that certain things are not talked about out loud, especially if it concerns the family (“what kind of bird is it that makes its own nest defecate”), makes people affected by this syndrome feel isolated, and after all, the problem of alcoholism is quite common in Poland.
I would say that we can talk about DDA syndrome itself up to a certain generation. Then it would be better to assume that new diagnoses appear, such as DD of parents and relatives generating new traumas (gambling, drugs, prostitution, pornography).
People with DDA are typical to experience isolation, shame for a pathological parent and a lack of role models. This means that such a person feels that he or she is from the so-called An abnormal family, i.e. there is no social respect, which is the most important thing for a child or teenager during socialization, and even more so for a young adult. In such a family, there is a lot of damage: loss of role models, loss of love, trust, resentment in the field of closeness, it is also an opportunity for a lesson in enduring contempt and anger. A child develops despair that no one recognizes.
What forces it? Reaching some form of maturity very quickly and being in a dilemma about how fast I need to grow up and leave home, or whether I can leave home at all.
That is why we can also talk about DD Syndrome from the House Full of Appearances. The level of dysfunction depends on the depth of the alcoholic disease. In addition, there are different faces of alcoholism, various forms of violence, including sexual violence. You also react differently to the alcoholism of the mother, of other generations, and to the alcoholism of the father or uncle.
The truth is that it is better that there are no addictions in the family at all. Children need a lesson in strength – for them, the weakness of a parent is only a lesson in contempt for weakness, and this has far-reaching consequences. Such a child, even if he quickly learns a trade, becomes independent, will experience that he is abnormal, weaker, contemptible, ailing. A form of weakness and fear of it can accompany him for the rest of his life. If there is also financial instability of the family, fear of losing a parent, the child has no way to develop a strong Persona (This is not a “false self”! It is a detached part of the personality that appears in a situation of danger. The more difficult, the more extreme it is. It is often built on the example of violent patterns, also from television, films, books or stories. We do not confuse it with the Ego. It is a form of defense of the ego and other mental structures created on the basis of the trauma experienced). The child then rather creates masks, which he is also ashamed of, because they are not entirely consistent with the truth, and no one internally agrees to the lack of authenticity, because it is also a weakness (here there will be a “false self”). This type of influence does not have to concern the parent himself, but it can also be loved ones or knowledge about those loved ones.
As I mentioned, a lot depends on the degree of addiction and pathology of the family system itself. In fact, this can lead to persistent personality disorders, destructive and self-destructive behaviors, and even schizophrenia and anorexia. This comes from the fact that people under the influence of alcohol have no control over sexual impulses. In addition, alcoholism sometimes hides paraphilias. Therefore, these can also be incestuous families, in which there is no question of roles and subjectivity, but operate within the framework of function. Then a narrative like: “You have to pay off for your family to be in it”.
How often in Online Psychotherapy is such a person afraid of being disloyal to their family, fearing that they may lose it or be punished?
If the family is relatively healthy, children naturally take on certain roles and functions, try to be more understanding, give support, protect others and quickly think about taking up a job. They are also often children who try to have relatively good grades. Depending on the degree of deficits, they choose a professional career or family life, keeping an eye on and controlling their loved ones for potentially risky behaviors. They may have trouble combining these roles and functions.
There are also cases when a child identifies with an alcoholically ill parent, often aggressive, because he feels weak in something or does not cope at school or with peers due to the situation at home. He may also want to redirect attention due to loyalty to the sick parent, and then chooses his own self-destruction to reinforce the pathology of the family. After all, someone must also be angry (delegations to roles in the family are very common and known in the case of this syndrome). Such a child copes with the feeling of guilt for his weaknesses in this way. Therefore, a weak parent is also a role model or a point of reference.
Remember that children always rely on role models. If parents do not teach their children to deal with difficult situations, their only strategies in life are the actions of parents who agree to pathologies, and thus strengthen the pathology of subsequent generations.
Trauma is supposed to survive, support is not appropriate, because the parents themselves did not have it. This is also the so-called contagion of trauma, it is not entirely clear why repeated. Thus, by accepting such deficits, subsequent generations are kept helpless and accepting in the face of pathology and trauma. This leads to tragedy at the level of the individual and the whole family, already at the level of communication and approach to weakness in general, hence it is worth having a very strict approach to this topic.
Therefore, weakness in the form of addiction must not be accepted, but an adequate possible change in the entire system to which it affects must be understood and forced.
Weakness, on the other hand, understood as a limitation and temporary ailment, is different from an excuse for dysfunction.
When looking for a way to break this cycle of trauma reproduction, you can use the solution of teaching you to set boundaries. That is why people after such traumas, identifying with DDA syndrome, look for themselves in various structures and are very sensitive to boundaries (they also do not always respond well to them right away, and then it is worth thinking about online psychotherapy).
Good choices should be reinforced when the patient is a person after chronic trauma. It is always a victim of the system. A good choice that is constant strengthens character – almost everyone who is after a trauma and after a crisis knows this.
But what if the personality traits are not in line with this, and there is also a temperament and a lack of ability to control emotions? How much can this interfere with ambition and limit good choices even in simple issues such as: what am I really good at? What are my strengths? What can I develop in myself, what will be safe for me?
This is where strong generalized beliefs come in, which also hinder the implementation through good choices and character, because there is too much difference between self-knowledge, knowledge of the world and a good, characterful decision.
When the character is weak, such burdens can lead to remorse, guilt, anxiety disorders and depression, as well as the inability to react in a healthy way. And so we can now see many young people already addicted to marijuana and to the computer (cigarettes are already a bit passé).
Remember: severe personality disorders, antisocial, criminal, deviant behaviour testify to only a few factors (important, because they may result from family trauma such as consent to pathologies) and these factors are:
– gene pathology (also known as pathologies at the gene level),
– family pathology (pathologies at the family level or within the family system),
– environmental pathology (pathologies at the level of the environment, social group, environment, structures, law).
Addictions to marijuana and to computers (including pornography) affect the shallowness of empathy and compassion. They generate attitudes based on a form of sadism and the need to look for victims. This is where a generational loop is born, visible in social trends. Trauma and pathologies are always close!!
I emphasize how important it is to fight addictions in general, precisely because they lead to a shallowness of affect, empathy and a sense of social responsibility. Especially those based on drugs and gambling, as well as addiction to pornography and computer games. Addiction strengthens criminal and deviant groups, even anti-social.
From a systemic perspective (family dynamics or feedback loops in the family system with pathology/deficit/addiction), families in which parental addiction occurs, which can lead to several very dangerous phenomena, may occur the following mechanisms and phenomena:
– parentification, i.e. the child begins to act as a parent,
– triangulation of the child in the parents’ affairs, i.e. the child cannot leave them because the parents cannot cope,
– too high demands on the child.
It consists in inviting children to perform apparent roles, created on the basis of coercion, manipulation of the parent or a wrong understanding of emotions, so that the child is closer and loyal to him, and the child himself feels that he plays an important role (which is true anyway).
Communication in such families indicates the occurrence of entanglement, double bonds (intention, attitude, feeling is a different world from what is heard and actually happens). There is also a narrative about suffering and sacrifice. What then? The narrative that then appears is: “You have to love your parent because he brought you into the world and you owe him something.” An example of such a situation is making it clear that the parent suffers anyway, because he has to live, and he has given someone a new life. And this is where the entanglement arises, which is that the child very quickly begins to be indebted to his parents for his life and should do something about it, because it is very difficult for them with everything they have undertaken. In an extreme situation of this type, you must not leave the parent at all and someone will eventually get sick.
Let’s take into account that trangulations, parentifications and entanglements can be intentional. Children happen because they have to or should. For the family, the so-called Children are a natural part of their plan in a heterosexual relationship. It is a form of responsibility for monogamous sexual activity.
The structure of pathological families (I use extreme cases of alcoholic families to present it in a way that is easier to imagine) is based on dominance and the requirement of submission. A place is being created for the so-called victims, there is also manipulation and self-interest. If you are a child, you have no way to defend yourself.
Probably such a climate and these stories are repeated, which results from traumas and pathologies at the level of many generations, because maybe there is something in it that is related to the belief on an unconscious level that without it the family will not survive, and the repetition of trauma is a certain constancy and consolidation of the same habits of coping with it in subsequent generations. There is a certain method of online psychotherapy created in France, psychogenealogy, which beautifully shows that events like to repeat themselves within the same family, and this can be deduced just by the sound of the name of this family, which contains a recurring event.
Maybe there is actually something that is dormant in alcoholism on a social level, which gives a chance of survival. However, I doubt that people with DDA would find this a good enough excuse for what they went through.
Returning to the entanglement itself, there is also an incestuous plot here, which in some sense could have united families. A narrative such as: “I don’t love, but I seduce”. This theme occurs to a certain extent it always is, because children look at themselves as young teenagers in the eyes of their parents and loved ones – these are their first social mirrors. It doesn’t have to be pathological. However, in disturbed families, there may be nothing more than seduction. Not necessarily then the bonds are less strong, safe or clear.
It is extremely important to look for new, good reference points. This means that children, when they grow up, should be equipped with opportunities for independent adult life. Literally, to fly out of the house. And how to do it differently than by referring a little to the myth of Daedalus and Icarus? Using this story, we still remain a bit in hypotheses, common sense and fantasy.
So let’s try…
It is good to have knowledge about flying, trust in the parent and respect for him, that his knowledge and flying technique will ensure the child’s safety and a chance to discover something new, which will be a new quality.
So what can go wrong at the stage of leaving the nest, when the adolescent has the resources of the family in which he grew up? Perhaps there was a lack of knowledge about adequate threats and social requirements, communication to pass on experience, directing adequate expectations of knowledge about what respect and humility and healthy boundaries are. Maybe it was not possible to prepare the wings for flight, or there was a lack of theoretical knowledge about flying, values, because a good flight also has a certain direction or requires a self-preservation instinct to be able to develop properly.
Hence my conclusion that the fall of Icarus is a failure of Daedalus as a father.
Often, people with DDA syndrome come to online psychotherapy because they lack knowledge about themselves or about life, they also rarely know if it is a natural instinct for self-preservation and they suffer from family relationships. It is also difficult for them to talk about love when they have only suffered various kinds of violence from their loved ones.
Young adults also rely on instinct and intuition when going out into the world, and if they are deprived of knowledge, even instinct will fail them in the end. Families with pathology also destroy access to a healthy instinct for self-preservation.
Does this only apply to people with this syndrome? Not necessarily. This issue is close to many people who have been victims of trauma for many years and could not do anything, and then in adulthood they look for other solutions.
I cordially invite you
Paulina Kubś, MA
Interventional Systemic and Cultural Psychotherapy Clinic.
For example, a song 
It depends on surface area
Whether you do, whether you don’t
Climb a mountain, run a thousand miles
Grab on and hold, grab on and hold
It’s a myth to behold, it’s a fire in the cold
Grab on and hold, grab on and hold
It’s a snake in the grass, it’s a stop sign to pass
Grab on and hold, grab on and hold
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh, yes
This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn
This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn
This ain’t no warning to run from sin
This ain’t no dagger for sticking in
So let me be, so let me be
So let me be, so let me be
I’ll follow someone that I can see
I’ll worship someone that I can be
‘Cause it depends on you and you alone
Whether you do, whether you don’t
Don’t believe in more than flesh and bone
Grab on and hold, grab on and hold
Ooh
yes, yes
Ooh
yes, yes
This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn
This ain’t no hymn, this ain’t no hymn
This ain’t no warning to run from sin
This ain’t no dagger for sticking in
So let me be, so let me be
So let me be, so let me be
I’ll follow someone that I can see
I’ll worship someone that I can be
